Guilt; Grace; Guilt; Grace

2 Samuel 13:1-19:10

John 17:1-20:31

Psalm 119:81-176

Proverbs 16:6-15

Yes! I'm all caught up now with the reading. Blogging and reading the Bible every day has felt like such a TASK with everything going on in my life recently...working every day, getting ready for a concert, throwing a bridal shower, and preparing for my best friend's wedding one week from tomorrow! But it is in fact the NOT reading and blogging that has overwhelmed me most. Reading the Bible every day is not hard, but letting it pile up and waiting to finally catch up makes reading the Bible feel that much more overwhelming. Like cleaning my room. I let my life pile and pile up, all the dirty laundry, all the junk I get lazy with and don't put away. And then I get to spend my whole day off cleaning my room while listening to the audio Bible for hours rather than going to Disneyland...which was my original plan for today.

Not that it's bad to listen to the Bible for hours, it did do me good. But it was so surrounded with stress and the weight of responsibility rather than the joy and ease of daily reading. I remember when reading the Bible and blogging every day was really nice and I enjoyed it...it didn't feel like a burden, it was encouraging BECAUSE of the dailyness. So, here's to hoping I never do this again...

The passages I read today were less than up-lifting. David committed adultery and murdered a man and so then God punished him with the spectacular demise of his family. His son raped his daughter. His son murdered his son. His son became his enemy. His son died in battle.

Jesus was crucified.

David and Bathsheba. Jesus and the crucifixion. These are both well known stories...they suck. Haha.

The sin, the fall...it's all so evident in these stories. David was a man after God's own heart and he committed atrocities. Jesus was perfect, God's Son! And we slapped him in the face and murdered him. We killed him. It's so humiliating...humbling...it's a lot to take in. And it's what I took in today as I cleaned my room and felt the odd guilt of how much time I let go by...how much I let slip while I was worrying about other things....I was not giving myself grace.

While I'm not giving myself grace it's hard to see the grace in these stories. While I know grace is there, as it is the character of God, I am blind to it. And I can only pray that I will breathe again...I put too much pressure on myself. This year of reading the Bible was not supposed to be another excuse to beat myself up...it was supposed to be the opposite. I want to stop letting the Enemy's plan work, who else would make reading the Bible feel like a burden and then guilt me when I don't? Yah, I see you, Satan, I know this is you, and you don't get to push me around anymore, remember?

I'm the daughter of the God who loved and loved and loved a murderer like David. I'm the daughter of the God who gave His own Son's life for mine. He wants me, truly. And I know I'm not able to show it as well, but I want Him too.